Polly wants a Cracker II Grade PLAYSCRIPT

POLLY WANTS A CRACKER by D. M. Larson

Characters: 

ANIMAL: A girl in an animal costume who likes the bird

BIRD: A guy in a bird costume who likes the animal back

SCENE 1

Two people are in a mall selling products.  The man named Carl is in a fat bird costume selling some kind of candy.  The woman named Polly is in an animal costume selling animal crackers. The bird man keeps checking out the animal woman but not so bad that she doesn't seem to notice... but eventually she does.  She goes up to him.

Animal: I have to say... that costume is really cute. 

BIRD: What? Uh... really? 

ANIMAL: I love chunky birds... I just want to squeeze them. 

(She gets embarrassed and goes back to her animal cracker sale table.  He mumbles under his breath.)

BIRD: You can squeeze me if you want. 

(She hears.)

ANIMAL: What?

(He is startled and turns away.)

BIRD: Nothing.

(She looks kind of sad and turns away.  He decides to talk to her some more.)

BIRD: So what are you selling? 

(She is happy he is talking to her again.)

ANIMAL: Animal crackers. 

Bird: Oh, I love animal crackers. 

ANIMAL: Want to buy some? 

(He tries to get to his wallet but can't because of the bird costume.)

BIRD: Yeah... oh crap, I don't think I can reach my wallet.

ANIMAL: I can help. 

BIRD: If you reach in the opening in the back...

(She reach in back and someone walks by and stops... stares.  She gets mad at the person who is staring at them.)

ANIMAL: What?!

(Person runs off).

BIRD: Got my wallet? 

ANIMAL: Yup... so you're not fat? 

(He laughs.)

BIRD: No... disappointed? 

ANIMAL: No... I like fat birds, not fat guys.

BIRD: Good... because I'm not fat... not that you want to like me... I'm not saying that you have to like me... I mean...

(She closes his bird mouth over his face.)

ANIMAL: shh.. You're cute.

(She lets go.  He is confused.)

BIRD: Huh?

ANIMAL: Nothing. So you want one box or two... of animal crackers?

......